My Name is Cres

#1) Sara Jimenez on Work of Art (My Top 11 of ‘11)

For some reason my life has formed in such a way that circumstance and chance have worked together to put me in a position to repeatedly know people on these talent/craft based competition reality shows.  It started with Dale on the fourth season of Top Chef, whom I had worked with when he was a sous chef at Morimoto where I was a server.  Then there was Keith on That Fashion Show, followed by April on Sheer Genius, and so when my close friend Sara told me that she had made a call back on an audition for the second season of Bravo’s Work of Art: The Next Great Artist I told her that being my friend works in her favor because I have a freakish habit of knowing people on these types of shows.

Then some time went by and I didn’t hear much more about the audition process even though I knew she made it to the final round of call backs, and because I didn’t hear about it I thought maybe she didn’t get it and was too upset to bring it up so I figured I wouldn’t either.  Then she disappeared for “a job” for about a month where she said she would have no cell service and would get in touch when she returned.  I am someone who is usually somewhat quick at connecting dots but didn’t do so until after she returned. 

For the record, I’ll just say that I knew more than others and before others because I was invited to attend the final gallery show in which the three finalists showed their work for the final challenge.  So I knew that Sara had made it on to the show which wasn’t as surprising as learning that she had made it to the final three with a shot of winning the whole thing.

I became friends with Sara before I knew she was an artist.  And when she revealed her work to me I instantly felt that she was the real deal.  I usually keep this stuff to myself though because I’m afraid that when it comes to art I don’t know what I’m talking about.  This may have to do with a fear of being embarrassed, which has happened on occasion, by pompous pretentious art school graduates who are so critical of everything artistic that it’s a wonder how they could ever enjoy any of it unless some other pompous pretentious critic wrote a glowing review of it therefore giving them permission to like it.  Nevertheless, I had my feeling.

So I knew the results of the show before the show even began airing but it was no less exciting getting to watch not just someone I knew on one of these shows, but someone I love very much and am very close with.  Every week I would set my dvr and then come home from a long night at work and watch the episode.  This ritual became a part of my life for the ten weeks that the show was on and it was a subject of discussion between me and my other friends.  And what I noticed, and what I’ve noticed with other friends that have encountered success is that it doesn’t only effect the person making the journey, it also has a ripple effect on those near to that person, and in a way it adds a layer of excitement and specialness to otherwise routine and ordinary humdrum life.

Since the final episode has aired it is only acknowledging fact to say that Sara didn’t win.  But throughout the show, Sara routinely took each challenge not only as a challenge to make the “best” work of art for that particular challenge, but also as a means to challenge herself and her own creative process.  In one episode involving making a work with the parts of a car, Sara, whose foundation is mostly in drawing and watercolor paintings found herself having to accommodate foreign materials, and what we saw was someone who opened herself up to possibility and allowed the materials to guide her, and wound up making a piece that garnered her the first of two consecutive wins.  It is this particular approach to her art making that made her a special presence on the show which saw many of the other artists going to their proven methods time and time again.  Sure it’s a competition and everyone wants to make money and win fame, but Sara seemed to be there to grow as an artist and to make art for the purpose of making art.

Knowing Sara, the person, and then Sara the artist, I see now why I was so intuitively drawn to the former with a gravitational allure. Her final gallery show exhibited an intense and emotionally raw concept that seemed to be handled with a nurturing delicacy.  It was masterful in execution, and utterly remarkable considering a significant portion of the show was installation which was completely new territory for Sara.

As for the televised version of Work of Art: The Next Great Artist, it was far from perfect.  And of course, she didn’t win.  But I believe in my heart of hearts that she had the most affecting final gallery show and should have won, but what do I know?  I often say that all I know is what I feel, but feelings aren’t facts. But perhaps art is a process of turning feeling into fact, and if that were the case, and part of me believes it is, then Sara Jimenez is an encyclopedia of the human experience.  Maybe not the volume that’s about wearing the clothes and paying the bills, but perhaps the one that’s about those quiet hours at the end of the day when one pauses to reflect on what the heart is trying to say if only it had the means.

#2) Robyn - Call Your Girlfriend (My Top 11 of ‘11)

In my flat out honest opinion, this is one of the greatest videos ever made.  Hands down,  It is flawless.  And Robyn is a genius and the world is a better place because she is in it.

I’m not the biggest Robyn fan unless we’re talking about this particular song and video, but not because I don’t like her it’s just that people LOVE LOVE LOVE her and I guess I do too but I’m not competing for title of greatest fan so I’ll just let that one go.  I was a big fan back in the mid-nineties, however, when she debuted.  “Show Me Love” was one of my favorite songs back then, but since then I’ve been vaguely aware that she was still making music.  I’ve dropped in periodically on some of her more recent stuff and none of it really caught me until a co-worker of mine mentioned this video.  Since then I’ve watched it at least twice a week.

There’s something insanely inspiring and magical about both the song and this video.  The lyrics and melody of the song are both simultaneously heart-warming and heart-breaking. The tenderness she expresses towards the other party involved is something that we only wish we could expect from the person who is stealing our lover away.  The music is a brilliant working of synths and bass beats that seems to have nostalgic tones but at the same time seem entirely new and refreshing.

As for the video, I can’t even begin to articulate all that it does for me.  I can say that I am so bummed that I somehow wasn’t involved in the creation of this genius affair.  It’s one of those things that seems so simply obvious, like the great poets listing life’s intricate and penetrating beauties as if it were a mere grocery list, that it’s like why hasn’t something this great been around always and forever!?! Well Robyn surely brought it in 2011.  The single take shot of this, I can picture the camera man or woman in a dance with Robyn, and the choreography is such that it’s not so tightly structured, that it seems spontaneous, giving the movements a carefree and fun feel, but also not so loose that it seems unimportant. 

I watch this video and I feel filled with youth and innocence, and at the same time somewhat heavy hearted because I’m not as young and as innocent as I once was but it says to me so much because above all it says that I FEEL!!! I feel these great complex emotions that are only possible once you’ve lived some and have hurt some and have loved a lot, and I think that the achievement in communicating those feelings lies solely with Robyn.  And it is in that sense that I would say that this, on the whole, is her masterpiece.

#3) The #Occupy Movement (My Top 11 of ‘11)

To be honest, I cannot remember the first time I heard of Occupy Wall Street, but I do remember the first time I saw Michael Moore’s Capitalism: A Love Story.  It was at the Angelika Film Center here in New York, and I remember how less than ten minutes into that film I was fighting back chokes of tears.  And I remember seeing another documentary by the name of Inside Job and leaving the theater outraged.  So many books I’ve read, documentaries I’ve watched, articles I’ve digested about class in America and each one seems to be more heartbreaking and infuriating than the previous one.  And what has always struck me about getting so worked up over the stuff and then heading back out into the streets of New York is that no one appeared to notice, or to even give a damn about anything except what place they wanted to shop at next, or where to get loaded for the night.  Or so it seemed.

Granted, a lot of New Yorkers actually are primarily concerned with shopping and socializing but it is here, near the southern tip of the island of Manhattan where a movement that had potential to shape a generation was born.

It began as Occupy Wall Street and branched off into pretty much Occupy Everywhere. Now granted the movement was an easy target of criticisms because it appeared to be largely unorganized and unfocused and was perhaps hijacked at times by peoples and causes that were unrelated, but ultimately #Occupy must be deemed as a success because if nothing else, it got people’s attention.  And it didn’t get there by screaming and shouting (though there was plenty of that), it got there by tag-lining another catch phrase, “We are the 99%.” It’s this inclusive phrase that spawned a blog here on tumblr that published submissions from people telling the ways they are (often negatively) affected by the current state of our capitalist system, and told a story which suggested that we have a lot more in common than the powers that be would have us think. 

I feel that in a way the Occupy movement broke the spell that Corporate America had over this country.  Suddenly people were kinda irked to take a look at what was going on and no one had to look far to see how bad things had gotten.  Albeit the American People raised a fuss when the economy tanked in 2008 and the government bailed out the big banks that then used the tax-payer money to pay fat bonuses and fly corporate jets around, but only until the next episode of whatever TV show was the hit that season came on and then most just forgot about how Wall Street nearly did us in.  Just to think, as punishment for nearly destroying America Wall Street got billions from the government while millions of Americans lost their jobs and their homes.  That really happened.  It’s not made up.  It really happened.  There’s real problems here with the way things are going since it’s the governments job to look out for the interest of its people.  And if no one says anything, it would be hard to imagine anything changing for the better.

Enter Occupy.

It is not a simple movement, just as the problems it seeks to address are far from simple.  But without a doubt the movement was a spark that turned into a flame that began to burn all across the country and revealed many truths, mainly the support structures that are in place to make sure the system stays exactly the way it is.  Pepper spray, tear gas, police with batons, police in riot gear, police on horses, protesters with blood spilling down their face, and yet at its core beneath all of that, lay a hope that maybe the future can be a little bit better than today.  For me, the Occupy movement embodies that hope.

#4) The Portraits (My Top 11 of ‘11)

About mid-way through 2011 I acquired an iPhone 4.  I had long debated over making the switch from my BlackBerry which I adored, but I became increasingly frustrated with envying iPhone owners’ screenshots as well as the photos in their “Mobile Uploads” folders on Facebook, flaunting their Hipstamatic prints and the like.  Ultimately, it was this possibility of being able to explore photography while also upgrading to a phone that people seemed to so passionately love that pushed me to take the plunge. 

It took me a while to gather my wits with the new device, but almost instantly taking pictures became my favorite thing to do with it.  I downloaded apps to make this process even more enjoyable and took off, snapping away at this, that, and pretty much whatever caught my attention.  Looking back, I can tell that actually “whatever” pretty much was what I photographed, whether it was an interesting subject or not.  Some turned into okay photos while most were entirely disposable.

Over the course of snapping away something began to take shape.  As much as I liked capturing random objects, it became rather clear that what I most had interest in capturing, was people.

Acknowledging this now, I can say that it should come as no surprise since people have always been the main occupation of my interests.  I started taking pictures of my friends.  I didn’t intend to focus on portraits or anything like that, I would just be hanging with people and see something, often a reflection of the moment, and would think, “Hmmm…that would be a nice shot.”

Funny how people, myself included, are so uncomfortable in front of cameras.  My own personal reasoning is that I don’t necessarily like my appearance and certainly don’t like seeing it staring back at me in a photo because photos can be truth bearers, and usually in most pictures of me you can sense the discomfort and the dis-ease of knowing my image is about to be captured, and given a layer of permanence. Many times I encountered this with my subjects but I would plead until I got my way. What I loved the most about taking pictures of people was showing them the photo I took and having them not immediately push it back saying, “Ugh, gross! Please delete that!”  Most of the time what wound up happening was the subject would pause, as if somehow uncertain how to react, and then would say upon handing back my phone, “Can you send me that?”

So why are “The Portraits” in my Top 11 of ‘11?  Is it because I think they are some of the greatest photos taken in the year of 2011?  Of course not.  What made them make the cut for me was the feeling I get when I look at these pictures and take in what I perceive to be a quality of mystery and emotion they cast over my friends.  It’s as if I am actually being able to capture my friends in the way that I see them in my head, which is as beautiful, complex creatures filled with bubbling brews of hopes, fears, desires, accomplishments and disappointments…as these enchanting characters on this epic journey we call life.

My friends have long been the source of inspiration for virtually any creative endeavor I conceptualize.  I’m always looking at them and thinking that if I were a director of a film, I would be doing myself a favor by casting them in all of the roles big and small.  But unfortunately most of my ideas never make it past conception and I am not a director of a film.  So maybe, for now anyways, all I can do to portray the inspiration they give me is to capture it, and them, in photographs.

Pictured above are my friends Courtney Davis, Jennifer Watman, Sara Jimenez, Rose Marie Cantu, Theodosis Evgenikos, Ankelly Vega, James Rich, and my cousin (and friend) Angelica Ayala.

#5) Jennifer Hudson (My Top 11 of ‘11)

I’m sure this may confuse some people to see Jennifer breaking the Top 5 on my best of 2011 list.  Afterall, this isn’t 2006 when Jennifer won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her work in the film adaptation of the Broadway musical Dreamgirls.  Nor is it 2009 when she won a Grammy for her debut album, a moment more memorable for a cracked-out Whitney Houston taking damn near twenty minutes to present her with the frackin’ thing.  And obviously it is not 2004, the year when America was introduced to a young Jennifer as a contestant and finalist on the third season of American Idol.  But 2011 is the year in which I was introduced to Jennifer Hudson.

It occurred as an act of chance, or maybe even providence that I became familiar and appreciative of the Jennifer Hudson story.  And anyone who knows me, knows that this year, I was all about the JHud love.  Yes her star-making turn in Dreamgirls, a film I had not seen until this year after purposely seeking it out to see just what she did to win an Oscar for a debut performance, played a central role in my infatuation, but it was the whole package, the whole story that won me over.

Upon seeking out her Idol performances I was taken aback by what I believe to be her third performance in which, during her critique from the judges, an emotional Jennifer tears up.  Paula notices and asks why to which Jennifer replies, “I’m just so happy to be here.”  And whether it’s just rumor or true, I remember hearing that upon her getting the boot from Idol, douchebag Simon Cowell told Jennifer to consider doing something else with her life because she’ll never be given another chance.  But she was, and that chance earned her a place in cinema history becoming one of a very rare and small group of actors to win an Oscar off a debut performance.  And it is in this turn, in the snapping, diva-esque character that she plays in Dreamgirls that scorched her presence and talent on my heart and gave me an anthem of defiance that came at a time in 2011 when I had been battling a troubling depression that lasted the span of several months.  To outsiders it seemed a weird infatuation with an old movie that’s not even that great as a whole, but to me Jennifer’s performance as Effie White, in context with her own story of losing on American Idol but still keeping her hat in game and having that pay off in such a big way, then having her family murdered, but still staying in the game and winning a grammy…it was a message to me about staying in the game no matter what…it was a story about hope and triumph in the face of adversity.

And of course it didn’t just stop there.  Jennifer did release an album in 2011 and my new found loyalty led me to downloading it from iTunes and it became a welcome soundtrack to the years journeys.  Even recently when I was sitting in a DMV waiting for my number to come up (we all know how fun that can be), surrounded by screaming babies and people talking loudly in languages I couldn’t understand, when the DJ at the radio station playing in the DMV suddenly announced Jennifer who was there or had called in to introduce her new single, I Got This, a song about a girl from the South Side of Chicago trying to make her goals a reality.  It was a song I already new by heart, and there in the DMV I felt suddenly accompanied by a friend and I couldn’t help but smile, like I had a special secret that made everything okay.

My Top 11 of ‘11 (#’s 6-11)

It’s that time of year.  I’ve always fancied best of lists and have always desired to create my own but conception is usually as far as things get with me.  Here I am making a case to break outta that mold by presenting to you (if there even is a you) my top 11 things of 2011.  You may notice that this list might be a bit different than most best of lists because this is a list that is personal to me. Surely many things are left out or were sorely over looked but I feel comfortable with my final selections.  Anyway, here I list numbers 6-11 and will spread the remaining five over the next five days, counting down until New Year’s Eve.

6. Tori Amos’ Night of Hunters

September marked the release of Amos’ 12th studio album.  Having been a longtime devoted fan I of course eagerly anticipated its release and concept which saw Tori doing a 21st century song cycle based on classical themes.   So basically, it was a classical music album.  There were no drums, no guitars, just her, the piano, strings, and woodwinds I believe (I’m too lazy to make sure I got that right).  Unlike a lot of her fans, I am never disappointed by what Tori manages to come up with and Night of Hunters was no exception.  In fact I found myself enthralled with the enchanting musicality of it all and was so thrilled to hear Tori periodically playing her piano as an instrumentalist on the record which one usually only gets to witness in her live shows.  Night of Hunters decorated the latter part of 2011 with songs that will no doubt be friends of mine for years and decades to come.

7. A Walk to Sunnyside

As my best friend of many years and I often do, we left our day together open to chance and decided to go for a walk around my neighborhood (Astoria,Queens). We walked and walked and eventually found ourselves facing a bridge that lead to an intriguing looking horizon and decided to continue our walk over this bridge and see what was on the other side.  What we found was a wonderful looking neighborhood that we learned to be Sunnyside, Queens.  It was the magical combination of stumbling upon this neighborhood in such a way, along with the conversation and being in the company of the best friend that made this an occasion special and memorable enough to make this list.  The accompanying photo was taken that day on that bridge.

8. My Girls at The Paris

December saw me ditching my career of waiting tables for a gig at a movie theater.  I did not know what to expect by returning to my roots of low wage paying labor but what I found there was a nice surprise.  Still very new additions to my life, but already this fine trio of young women have made their impressions on my heart and helped me fill the final month of 2011 with laughter, sass, and relentless charisma.  Pictured left to right are Danielle, Latia, and Destiny.

9. The Freedom Tower Rises/Tenth Anniversary of 9.11

For what seems like an eternity and what really was an entire decade, the skyline of Lower Manhattan sorely lacked the presence of what was destroyed in the terrorist attacks of 2001.  Forever in the works, 2011 finally saw the Freedom Tower start to crawl its way into the skyline making a slow and humble announcement.  The tenth anniversary of the attacks came and went as did the death of Osama bin Laden, and with the Freedom Tower making its ascent it is a constant reminder of not only what was, but what will be, allowing us to finally start looking forward.

10. Delores Turnbow (@iamladyblabla) Joins Twitter

Not only does she possess some smoking hot looks and great tats, she’s also got a killer wit that seems to come from a bottomless well of smart, funny, wackiness.  For someone who does not identify as a comedian (not to me anyways), she is hands down one of the funniest people I know and after a year or so of her tearing up my facebook feed she launched a twitter account and hasn’t looked back.  She’s also a talented hair stylist who recently left the Big Apple for the deserts of Arizona.  A couple of my favorite tweets of hers read, “It’s so cute watching my cat eat the Poinsettia, then dry heave for hours after. LOLJK” and, “When someone says to their hairdresser “I want to cut 20%. Not 10%, not 25%, exactly 20%.” I think it’s ok for the hairdresser to go smoke.”  And that’s just two of many.  Do yourself a favor and just go follow her.  Just do it goddamnit.

11.  The NYC Earthquakicane

Not only did 2011 bring New York City its first earthquake in a while, it also brought a hurricane!  But that these two events happened in the same year isn’t the craziest twist in this story, it’s that they both happened in the same WEEK!!!  While only a lucky few actually felt the earthquake and knew what they were experiencing, EVERYONE in the city had to play a part in the hype of Hurricane Irene as she stalked the east coast.  With the entire subway and bus system shutdown the day before the hurricane was scheduled to arrive it was hard to ignore the drama and, errr, excitement?